I'm writing this a few days later, and I'm still very sad. I thought I would write down some of what I'm feeling, because putting it into words makes him feel a little closer.
How he came to me
He didn't always live with me. For many years he lived with my parents, and three years ago he came to live in my home. From the first day, he made himself part of my life. I got used to having him around, to his sounds in the evening, and to knowing that someone was always waiting for me.
The way he talked to me
This is what I miss the most. He would sit right next to me, look straight into my eyes, and move his mouth as if he were speaking. Not barking, but really "talking". He seemed to have so much to tell me. I always answered him. I'm not sure what we said to each other, but it was a real conversation, and I felt he was listening.
His dance
He had a special dance. When he wanted to go out for a walk, or when it was time to eat, he would start moving with so much joy that I couldn't help laughing. It was impossible to be in a bad mood around that dance.
Our walks
I miss our walks more than I can say.
Twice a day, or whenever he decided it was time (always after the dance), we would head out together. Those walks were the center of my day. I would stop whatever I was doing, he would pull a little ahead with so much excitement, and for that half hour, nothing else mattered.
I loved walking beside him. I loved going at his pace, stopping whenever he wanted to sniff something, and the feeling that he knew exactly where we were going. As he got older, we went a little slower, but his joy never changed.
Now, when it's time for a walk, I notice the quiet by the door. It's the moment I miss him the most.
How it ended
At the end, he suddenly felt very unwell, and I had to make the hardest decision. It all happened quickly, and I'm still catching my breath. I'm glad he wasn't alone, and that I was with him.
Now
The days are quieter. I keep noticing the places where he used to sit, and I miss him in small moments throughout the day.
If you've lost a pet, or anyone who was part of your everyday life, I'm thinking of you. There's no right way to feel, and no schedule for it.
I wanted to share this because I think many people have been here.
It helps to say it out loud
Sometimes it helps to tell someone about them: the little habits, the funny sounds, the way they looked at you. If you'd like to tell someone about yours, I'm here to listen. The first conversation is 15 minutes and free, and there's nothing you need to prepare.
Missing someone? Tell me about them.
A free 15-minute conversation, no payment, no commitment — just to see how it feels.